An introduction, of sorts

I'm not very good with words. Expressing them verbally, or writing them. So this may become pretty jumbled.

I'm a 24 year old female from W.Va, going on 25 pretty soon. I have created this because they say that getting things out helps you feel better. I tried the whole hand-written journal (many times) and it never really helped me to vent, or the bad feelings to ease. I decided to do this while in a very upset/suicidal moment. My parents hardly get along. They're fighting yet again. While most of their fights are words and/or throwing a few things against a wall, it still gets to me. I have been to a therapist and put on medication for the past 3 years. The medicine never helps. They have told me that i have manic depression. I refuse to talk to the therapist there because I just know they'll laugh. How could they help me anyway? So I take their stupid pills that never helps. Not talking may be the reason it doesn't. I guess I'm just too ashamed. I have went through "stages" of bulima and self-harm. While I don't go on binges, I do still self-harm some. Not as much now as used to be, only on nights like this. I lost my real father when I was 10. I have never really recovered, and I'm not sure why. Perhaps I'm just trying to hold on to a memory that I'm afraid I'll lose. I feel ugly and disgusting. At 5'5 and 285 pounds. The weight is slowly coming off, but I yo-yo way too much. My highest is at 315. I never thought I would let myself go for so long. I'm trying, I really am. Things just keep getting crazy. The last anti-depressants didn't help my weight either. While it didn't make me gain more weight, it didn't help me lose either. It seemed to have just kept me steady. Which could have possibly been a good thing because it kept me determined, and it kept me from just stopping my exercise/diet and gaining it all back.
If you've read down this far then I'm sure you've noticed I'm starting to ramble, so I will stop here. I'm sure this won't be my last post. Thanks for reading my venting.